Tuesday, December 19, 2006
It’s less than a week before Christmas. I haven’t wrapped a single present. I have no plans to consume any turkey, mashed potatoes, cheese fondue, Schneider’s summer sausage or chocolate Turtles. (No chocolate whatsoever, actually. They don’t really have good chocolate here, or if they do I wouldn’t know because a chocolate bar costs more than 2 meals worth of meat.) And there is a zero percent chance of having a white Christmas. Instead of buying gifts, I guess everyone just shares a bunch of food. I have to admit, I have developed a find liking for fruitcake here, it’s so yummy and soft and sweet. And since I’m listening to Handel’s Messiah right now, I don’t feel like I’m totally missing out on the holiday season. Of course it’s terribly difficult to be away from family, but since HOPE is such an important “Christmas word” I console myself by thinking about how extra wonderful it will be to be together a year from now.
Another Christmas word, somewhat less used than HOPE, is KENOSIS. It refers to the self-emptying of Christ which began when he took on human form, continued throughout his life as he repeatedly denied himself in order to serve others, and culminated in his sacrificial death on a cross. All Christians are called to follow this example of humbling ourselves. Not that I particularly thought of this as one of my reasons for coming to Paraguay, but two times this week I was especially struck by what a disadvantage I have put myself by coming here. The first was during a Bible class when people were taking turns going around the circle reading, and I got skipped over. And to think that back home I used to do the Bible reading in front of the whole church every Sunday. I went straight from the top to the bottom. The other time was at a college graduation ceremony that I went to with my roommate. Instead of giving a speech I had to use all my efforts just to grasp what the speakers were talking about. At times this week I wanted to go home because I felt useless, like I was being a burden, like I have no significance here, like I am incapable of helping anyone, etc. But in the end it was decided that maybe I have become small, unimportant, foolish and weak in order that God’s wisdom and power can be made manifest in my life. Little by little it is becoming clear that any skills or knowledge I possess are quite meaningless if I don’t first recognize that God does whatever God wants, and uses whomever he pleases. I am deeply humbled. And sometimes it feels like low self-esteem.
A few more notes on how I’ve been passing my time. I started to read “The Great Divorce” in Spanish until I realized the anti-logic of reading such a writer as C.S. Lewis in translation, what with his supreme command of the English language. Instead, I read “Our Town,” once on my own, and then Ben and Judah and I performed a dramtic reading of the play for one another, which was really fun. My favourite quotation? From Mrs. Gibbs: “Only it seems to me that once in your life before you die you ought to see a country where they don’t talk in English and don’t even want to!” …which does not pertain to Paraguay, because the people here do want to learn, at least it seems that way about most everybody but the poorly behaved second-grade class. If I don’t write again this week, MERRY CHRISTMAS everybody!!! and don’t get all caught up in turkey or ribbons because I don’t have any of that here and it’s still quite fun!!
