Wednesday, February 14, 2007
I’m always afraid of writing my blog when I am feeling extreme emotions, because it is almost certain that I will write something that I later regret. So take into account that as I write this I am fairly tired and have just finished a day of teaching. It’s been one week now, and if nothing else at least every student by now should understand the words “sit down” and “be quiet.” I’ve written previously of the surprisingly bad behaviour of the Paraguayan students, but now I am experiencing it first-hand, four days a week, six classes a day, by myself. It seems like an amazing schedule to have Mondays free and finish by 4:10, but it feels like I spend all my spare time worrying about my classes or over-preparing or biting my nails or eating because I am so stressed. I know that the past four months have flown by, but I just can’t fathom teaching like this for another ten months.
One might ask, “why don’t you just go home?” Well first of all, the school needs me, at least until they could find another English teacher. Secondly, I am too proud to admit I couldn’t do it and I don’t want all of you who read my blog and have prayed for me and paid for me to be able to here to think I am a quitter. Thirdly, I said I would stay for one year, and I want to keep my promise. But I think most importantly, this is something I have to do if I want to be true to myself and what I believe. For five years I studied the Bible and learned what it means to be a Christian. I wrote papers about social justice, I listened to lectures about God’s kingdom, I spoke passionately about wanting to help others less fortunate than myself. Now I am in an excellent place to do that, and I am finding it very difficult and want to get out of it. But I know that if I can’t humble myself to teach the little kids, and give up my rights to a comfortable lifestyle, and serve the poor and oppressed in this place, I will never be able to. What I need now is not a change of circumstance, but the realization that there is something beautiful in a simple life of love and service, it is, indeed, the way of the kingdom of God. When Jesus was preaching in Nazareth, he read from the Isaiah scroll:
The Spirit of the Lord is on me
Because he has anointed me
To preach good news to the poor
He has sent me
To proclaim freedom to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind
To set free the oppressed
To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.
And afterwards he said, “today as you listen, this scripture has been fulfilled.” Because Jesus came and he showed us how a person could be totally unselfish and love others more than himself. And so the kingdom of God began, and it continues everyday that I count these children worthy of learning English, of having a second chance, of having a better life. This kingdom is furthered everyday that we don’t just consider ourselves and our feelings and our own families, but we put that energy into serving others. And so I’ve convinced myself for now that I need to stay, although probably by this time tomorrow I will be feeling sorry for myself and want to go home again. I need your encouragement and your prayers, and I need all of you to join me in my attempt to make some kind of difference. I want not only to have the strength to persevere, I want to be doing this with joy. And just so you know, it brings me much joy to think of you and the love we have for each other. Thank you so much.
This blog is dedicated to my teachers who persevered for my sake, and who said all those words about God’s kingdom that only now I am beginning to understand. Every time I read Luke 3:4-6 I will be reminded of Dr. David Williams. And Amos 5:24 “but let justice flow like water, and righteousness like and unfailing stream,” will not make me think of Martin Luther King Jr. but rather of Tyler’s Williams introductory OT class.
One might ask, “why don’t you just go home?” Well first of all, the school needs me, at least until they could find another English teacher. Secondly, I am too proud to admit I couldn’t do it and I don’t want all of you who read my blog and have prayed for me and paid for me to be able to here to think I am a quitter. Thirdly, I said I would stay for one year, and I want to keep my promise. But I think most importantly, this is something I have to do if I want to be true to myself and what I believe. For five years I studied the Bible and learned what it means to be a Christian. I wrote papers about social justice, I listened to lectures about God’s kingdom, I spoke passionately about wanting to help others less fortunate than myself. Now I am in an excellent place to do that, and I am finding it very difficult and want to get out of it. But I know that if I can’t humble myself to teach the little kids, and give up my rights to a comfortable lifestyle, and serve the poor and oppressed in this place, I will never be able to. What I need now is not a change of circumstance, but the realization that there is something beautiful in a simple life of love and service, it is, indeed, the way of the kingdom of God. When Jesus was preaching in Nazareth, he read from the Isaiah scroll:
The Spirit of the Lord is on me
Because he has anointed me
To preach good news to the poor
He has sent me
To proclaim freedom to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind
To set free the oppressed
To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.
And afterwards he said, “today as you listen, this scripture has been fulfilled.” Because Jesus came and he showed us how a person could be totally unselfish and love others more than himself. And so the kingdom of God began, and it continues everyday that I count these children worthy of learning English, of having a second chance, of having a better life. This kingdom is furthered everyday that we don’t just consider ourselves and our feelings and our own families, but we put that energy into serving others. And so I’ve convinced myself for now that I need to stay, although probably by this time tomorrow I will be feeling sorry for myself and want to go home again. I need your encouragement and your prayers, and I need all of you to join me in my attempt to make some kind of difference. I want not only to have the strength to persevere, I want to be doing this with joy. And just so you know, it brings me much joy to think of you and the love we have for each other. Thank you so much.
This blog is dedicated to my teachers who persevered for my sake, and who said all those words about God’s kingdom that only now I am beginning to understand. Every time I read Luke 3:4-6 I will be reminded of Dr. David Williams. And Amos 5:24 “but let justice flow like water, and righteousness like and unfailing stream,” will not make me think of Martin Luther King Jr. but rather of Tyler’s Williams introductory OT class.
# posted by Ellen @ 7:20 PM 
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Hang in there, Ellen. After a couple weeks you'll have it down pat.
Just don't be as soft on them as I was on my students!
Think of you often,
God bless (and keep),
-Tyler
Just don't be as soft on them as I was on my students!
Think of you often,
God bless (and keep),
-Tyler
Ellen...is there anything you CAN'T do???
We all wanted to quit at some time or another!
Cuando uno es débil...Él es fuerte!
We all wanted to quit at some time or another!
Cuando uno es débil...Él es fuerte!
Ellen, I think that you should be reminded that at about this time two years ago you worked with rowdy kids and we all had a lot of fun going on adventure walks and making up skits. I have seen you do amazing things with children, and I am filled with faith that you will continue along this path. The work you are doing brings me great joy (even when it brings you great frustration). Always remember that life is to be enjoyed and that your smiles and laughter are what draw children o you. If all else fails, teach them to beatbox.
Never forget that you are a truly beautiful person. Also, never forget that you have a gigantic supply of fresh mangoes (if nothing else does, that should give you reason for great thankfulness... maybe you could even carve designs in the mangoes and start some sort of Halloweenish tradition, but with mangoes, which are much better than pumpkins anyway).
With love,
Scott.
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Never forget that you are a truly beautiful person. Also, never forget that you have a gigantic supply of fresh mangoes (if nothing else does, that should give you reason for great thankfulness... maybe you could even carve designs in the mangoes and start some sort of Halloweenish tradition, but with mangoes, which are much better than pumpkins anyway).
With love,
Scott.
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